So real talk. We moved in with my parents to save money. We have been wanting to buy a house for years and the financial situation was just never right. My parents, being the saints that they are, had open arms in letting us take over while we got ready to buy a house. It's funny because no matter how hard you try, something will always ALWAYS come up. Life is good and we are grateful but YEESH, could we not have a medical expense for like.....maybe even 3 weeks?
Kids greatly increase your need for health insurance. Come over and cry with us if yours sucks too.
Moving on from my pity party.
I have spent many days feeling overwhelmed about money and the slow progress that we have been making. There has been a feeling of impending doom and endless struggle. I spent a lot of my time watching inspirational videos, reading self help books, and listening to positive podcasts. I could explain to you all of the concepts of manifestation and positive thinking but it was so absent from my life. Then came the day when I had melt down of epic proportion. I sat with my sweet, gracious, and patient husband and let it all out. I talked about my regrets, my feeling of being stuck, my feelings of worthlessness. He listened and validated. We use this app called any.do which allows us to have a combined and personal checklist from any device (it is freaking amazing). On our joined check list he added two things:
1. Stay Present
2. It's never too late to start
The next day was almost like a rebirth. I woke up with a new state of mind. I told myself, "Okay. You don't like where you are and want to change it? So change it."
So here I am changing it.
I am embracing this idea of manifestation. I read the book You Are A Badass and it really gave this idea life. I do not know all of the details about this philosophy but it is something along the lines of "everything you want is already there and you just need to make it happen." I am essentially WILLING the universe to give me the things I want and give me the stepping stones to get there.
So here are a few of the things I decided to manifest:
-Have some sort of income that will allow me to stay home with my kids
-Be able to buy a home in a place that fits all of my family's needs
-Have ZERO debt
-Be a good mother and wife
That's it.
So I decided money would be the energy to make my other visions possible. I have been searching for YEARS for a legit work from home gig. I applied for an online ESL job with VIPKID a couple years back but was rejected. I decided to look into it again and emailed the company asking why I was rejected. They advised that I reapply emphasizing my teaching experience more. I did that and was accepted into the application process.
I did two things here that I would not normally do.
1. Reconsider something that I had previously "failed" at
2. Take action to ask why I failed
SO SIMPLE but I would never have done this before. I would just accept my fate and the idea that I am not good enough so why bother (ouch my heart hurts writing that, but it is so true. I have some pretty sad self narratives sometimes).
I had a realization. I remembered a time in my life when I thought I could not fail. I would try anything because I knew I was capable and could make it happen. That slowly died over the past few years. I was (and am continuing) to get that back. Why not me? Why can't I have my ideal situation?
Going back to money. I have been working with VIPKID for a week now and the same self doubt started creeping in. I told myself that I would not get bookings. It would not work out. BUT WAIT. I am manifesting this. I AM GOING TO MANIFEST THE CRAP OUT OF THIS. I continues to take workshops and check my schedule as if the bookings would be there. The first few days were slow but now they are filling in. I am making money. It has been less than a week!!!
Could this be working?
Something else interesting happened. I was able to land an additional job that would work on top of my current schedule that would not interfere at all.
Whoa. How? Ok, universe. I am listening.
It is complicated being a stay at home mom. It is a combination of relishing in the incredible opportunity to be able to be part of every moment of your little one's lives and also feeling like you may go insane because you are part of every moment of your little one's lives. Ok, to be honest, the kids are not the hard part. I would say the things that make staying home with my kids hard is the feeling of not knowing when I will talk to another adult next, not knowing when my shower will fit in in the next week, not knowing if my son is going pee on me when I change his diaper, and changing 8 million diapers a day. I am sorting out the negative feelings. Most of the time when I think being a stay at home mom is hard, it is because I am not taking care of myself. When you are not investing in yourself, you have very little to work with when it comes to offering your everything to these little beings. Also, please do not feed me the "I lost myself when I had kids" bull crap. SORRY BUT YOUR KIDS ARE VULNERABLE PERFECT BEINGS OF ENDLESS OPPORTUNITY. Find yourself again but realize "parent" is part of that new you. Own it. Your kids deserve your best effort. Now I will just tell myself that really quick.
Now. my life is not where I want it to be but that is okay. I am enjoying my phase of transition. I am embracing change and open ended futures. I am trying SO FREAKING HARD to be present during this time with my kids. It is flying by and is truly the most precious thing I can imagine experiencing here in my life.
So bring it on, future. I am manifesting the hell out of you.
Kids greatly increase your need for health insurance. Come over and cry with us if yours sucks too.
Moving on from my pity party.
I have spent many days feeling overwhelmed about money and the slow progress that we have been making. There has been a feeling of impending doom and endless struggle. I spent a lot of my time watching inspirational videos, reading self help books, and listening to positive podcasts. I could explain to you all of the concepts of manifestation and positive thinking but it was so absent from my life. Then came the day when I had melt down of epic proportion. I sat with my sweet, gracious, and patient husband and let it all out. I talked about my regrets, my feeling of being stuck, my feelings of worthlessness. He listened and validated. We use this app called any.do which allows us to have a combined and personal checklist from any device (it is freaking amazing). On our joined check list he added two things:
1. Stay Present
2. It's never too late to start
The next day was almost like a rebirth. I woke up with a new state of mind. I told myself, "Okay. You don't like where you are and want to change it? So change it."
So here I am changing it.
I am embracing this idea of manifestation. I read the book You Are A Badass and it really gave this idea life. I do not know all of the details about this philosophy but it is something along the lines of "everything you want is already there and you just need to make it happen." I am essentially WILLING the universe to give me the things I want and give me the stepping stones to get there.
So here are a few of the things I decided to manifest:
-Have some sort of income that will allow me to stay home with my kids
-Be able to buy a home in a place that fits all of my family's needs
-Have ZERO debt
-Be a good mother and wife
That's it.
So I decided money would be the energy to make my other visions possible. I have been searching for YEARS for a legit work from home gig. I applied for an online ESL job with VIPKID a couple years back but was rejected. I decided to look into it again and emailed the company asking why I was rejected. They advised that I reapply emphasizing my teaching experience more. I did that and was accepted into the application process.
I did two things here that I would not normally do.
1. Reconsider something that I had previously "failed" at
2. Take action to ask why I failed
SO SIMPLE but I would never have done this before. I would just accept my fate and the idea that I am not good enough so why bother (ouch my heart hurts writing that, but it is so true. I have some pretty sad self narratives sometimes).
I had a realization. I remembered a time in my life when I thought I could not fail. I would try anything because I knew I was capable and could make it happen. That slowly died over the past few years. I was (and am continuing) to get that back. Why not me? Why can't I have my ideal situation?
Going back to money. I have been working with VIPKID for a week now and the same self doubt started creeping in. I told myself that I would not get bookings. It would not work out. BUT WAIT. I am manifesting this. I AM GOING TO MANIFEST THE CRAP OUT OF THIS. I continues to take workshops and check my schedule as if the bookings would be there. The first few days were slow but now they are filling in. I am making money. It has been less than a week!!!
Could this be working?
Something else interesting happened. I was able to land an additional job that would work on top of my current schedule that would not interfere at all.
Whoa. How? Ok, universe. I am listening.
It is complicated being a stay at home mom. It is a combination of relishing in the incredible opportunity to be able to be part of every moment of your little one's lives and also feeling like you may go insane because you are part of every moment of your little one's lives. Ok, to be honest, the kids are not the hard part. I would say the things that make staying home with my kids hard is the feeling of not knowing when I will talk to another adult next, not knowing when my shower will fit in in the next week, not knowing if my son is going pee on me when I change his diaper, and changing 8 million diapers a day. I am sorting out the negative feelings. Most of the time when I think being a stay at home mom is hard, it is because I am not taking care of myself. When you are not investing in yourself, you have very little to work with when it comes to offering your everything to these little beings. Also, please do not feed me the "I lost myself when I had kids" bull crap. SORRY BUT YOUR KIDS ARE VULNERABLE PERFECT BEINGS OF ENDLESS OPPORTUNITY. Find yourself again but realize "parent" is part of that new you. Own it. Your kids deserve your best effort. Now I will just tell myself that really quick.
Now. my life is not where I want it to be but that is okay. I am enjoying my phase of transition. I am embracing change and open ended futures. I am trying SO FREAKING HARD to be present during this time with my kids. It is flying by and is truly the most precious thing I can imagine experiencing here in my life.
So bring it on, future. I am manifesting the hell out of you.
